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Thursday, March 15, 2012

my post traumatic stress...

post traumatic stress and compartmentalizing.
compartmentalizing is the sorting,separating and organizing of the events of your life into compartments of the brain so that there is a place for everything and everything is in it's place. it;s a coping technique to help find and restore order. kind of like a closet full of memories categorized by intensity of joy or pain. however,post traumatic stress has triggers which cause a physical and emotional reaction sometimes equal to the original event/s. meaning a similar event,a smell,a sound,a likeness to a person or place from the original emotional and or physical injury can bring back the original actions reaction as anything from an uncomfortable feeling, all the way to reliving the original trauma. if 1 or more compartments is too full and is triggered by one or more of these senses,the pressure must escape. releasing some or all contents of said compartment/s.

some triggers happen right in front of your minds eye stopping you in your tracks and taking your breath away, sending you into a silent slow motion as moments and or years of your life fall to the ground or come straight at you sticking to you as if you are a caterpillar in their cocoon or a bound and gagged captive. sometimes erupting to incredible heights above you and while knowing the destruction has just begun and it's not until they start to descend that you learn what form they have taken in the atmosphere,ice,written pages,living memories on shards of glass,a word or words, a face or faces,a voice or voices, 1 set of hands or many,(yes these are metaphors and thoughts not delusions or hallucinations) some quite as a mouse in the farthest recesses of your mind, only showing themselves as illusions in distorted dreams and nightmares,until your brain recognizes 1 or more and finds the trigger thus finally remembering where it fits into this puzzle of chaos and destruction that is your life.

recognizing and knowing as many of your triggers as you can, may help ease the reaction and over time as you gain more understanding of your triggers and your reactions the more space you can put between them the better. however it's important to remember that at anytime, without warning something  can happen in your life that can close that gap in an instant and you have to practice coping techniques even when you have no symptoms in an effort to retrain your brain and body to respond to a new event as a single event thus dismantling the triggers to previous traumas so as to better understand the reality of the level of a new trauma.

ok,it's 3am and i awoke from a strange dream with all of this swirling inside me about 11:30 pm... i can no longer tell if i'm making any kind of sense right now due to the exhaustion of my brain and the need for more sleep. even so i am posting this now,though i may change it another day.


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