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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

panic attacks...

have you ever woken up in the midst of a full blown panic attack? well,i did just that this morning. let me tell  you it is a scary freaky ass way to start your day!!!!!

i've had panic attacks off and on for 10 years. sometimes they are quite mild and you can breathe through it. that's not the case when you awake suddenly, abruptly in a full on panic. (it's kind of like waking in the midst off a perfect storm within your self with no compass,no sense of direction,no idea how you got there and no sense of how to get back.) even though you know exactly where you are and what is really happening around, your body and your emotions FEEL as though you have just woken up alone on a ship in the middle of the ocean with no compass,no map,no radio,no flairs,in dense fog.

one of the best tools for controlling a panic attack is to recognize what triggered the attack. but when the memory of how it started has disappeared within a forgotten dream there are no clues to finding the trigger point. which leaves you with a deepened sense of the fear of the unknown...was it something in the dream it's self,or was it subliminal subconscious thoughts or memories and so on and so on.

plus knowing you only have half a brain to work with makes it twice as scary!   i mean really let's face's not like half your brain is misplaced and one day you'll open the tool box  or be cleaning out the freezer and suddenly there it will be... and you'll be like i'v been lookin all over for that....huh,it's always the last place you look...

so you're not left with a lot of choices, you either jump ship in panic or smoke all your cigarettes and drink all your pepsi while you wait it out. all the while wishing you could (metaphorically) peel all your flesh from your bones and shed all of this doom and gloom in hopes of emerging from this horrific cocoon into something much more peaceful and pleasant.

only to find yourself again,back where you started. so you pick yourself up,dust yourself off and choose to recognize it for what it is! you think of others who are far worse off and you go on about your day knowing just how blessed you really are...


  1. I feel sorry for you.If I was in Medicine college(as I wanted),I´d be studying Neurology,and could help you much more than as an Civil Engeneering student.What I know is abstract and no academical,I feel scared to give tips I don´t know if it works.

  2. Panic attacks are nasty as hell. I've been experiencing them since 1983 and, even withouth having a rare disease, no doctors have been able to give me a proper treatment since it was all like "Oh, she's just an over-reacting girl". And that just because I always tried to keep my composure without bursting out screaming or acting weird in front of a crowd... Eventually I found a very good expert who diagnosed me right and gave me a proper treatment but this happened in March, this year.... I leave it to your imagination... Again, I appreciate how well you can put emotions and feeling into words. You really explained how an attack like that is! Love <3

  3. Well,What I can tell you is that,much of us on engeneering are frusttrated doctors,specialy neurologists and cardiologists.
    Engeneers are sick about IQ and how to increase theirs to superhuman levels.They do it a little for vanity,but Engeneering teach us how to work with our brain like a machine,and increase our intelligence like and "extra memory" you buy for your computer.I got some friends who has IQs around 180 just using these technics.I can give you these tips if you want,it can helps you a lot to control your panic attacks and make your days easier.Do you want it?